Sorry Ari, but This Ain’t It
By ShayLa Blake
Ariana Grande's highly anticipated sixth studio album left me feeling a little too bored for my taste. Normally, the pop icon serves us good songs, perfect for doing a little jig, but the “Positions” album served nothing but the “sit in a singular spot and stare at a blank wall” vibes for me. Don’t get me wrong; I can bop to “thank u, next” just as much as the next guy, but Ariana straight up made me want to say “thank u, next” to this entire album. That being said, here is my in depth review of four songs on Ariana Grande’s most skippable album.
1. “Shut Up”:
This song starts out with a lovely string solo that makes you anticipate an iconic power ballad (spoilers: it’s not). I do enjoy a nice belting moment if I do say so myself, so I was fully prepared to have a diva moment with my hairbrush. Much to my disdain, Ariana absolutely snatched my dreams of being the next Mariah Carey with this pokey, little pop tune. If I'm being honest, this song isn’t all that bad, if you can ignore the fact that it sounds like a greeting card in the form of a song. Overall, I give the song 5/10.
2. “34+35”:
If I had to pick my favorite song on the album, it would most likely be “34+35”. The song sounds the same as most of the other songs Ariana has put out on other albums, so no gold star for creativity on this one. The chorus is fairly catchy— especially since it’s just the same line repeated twice. Considering it’s the best line out of the entire album, I’m not necessarily complaining. In true Ariana fashion, this song is not lacking in vocal runs, which are technically her brand, but I'm not sure if “predictability” is the best brand name. However, to each their own. That being said, I give this song a 7/10 and possibly an add to my pop playlist.
Photo from People.com
3. “Motive”:
The third song on the album is a feature with Doja Cat, and I was surprised by how much I genuinely dislike it because, although not my specific taste, Doja Cat's music is pretty popular. This standard for Ms. Doja is my own fault because listening to her underground classic “MOOO!” should have foreshadowed the fact that not every song of hers is likely to be a hit. Despite simply disliking the song, I will commend these ladies for taking something that resembles jazzercise music and making it obtainable for hotels to add to their elevator music playlist. I give it 7/10 solely because it reminds me of a song that would be played in H&M, and I love H&M.
4. “My hair”:
I really had high expectations for this song based on the title because I thought it was a song dedicated to Ariana’s iconic ponytail hairstyle she wears so well. I was excited for some originality with the song, but much to my dismay, this song had the same theme as all the other songs on the album, and if you don’t know the theme by now then you're probably too young to understand anyway. Was I swept away by this song like Ariana’s ponytail sweeps down the red carpets? Absolutely not. Would I listen to it again? Since the beat reminds me of my lofi study playlist, yeah probably. Overall 6/10.
Photo from vulture.com
There were lots of other songs on the album but seeing as they all sound pretty much the same to me, I think I’ll skip the review of those. Ariana Grande, although an extremely talented singer, just didn’t meet the high standards she set for herself after hitting her whistle tones all those times. Admittedly that's a fairly high mark to hit but I think the statement still resonates. This album really taught me the true meaning of quality over quantity and for that important life lesson, I say thank you, Ariana. I only hope that she learned a life lesson herself— that you don’t have to drop an album once a year to stay relevant. A hoodie with her name on it would have sufficed.