Ranking Owasso’s best and not-best chairs
By Dominic Leading Fox
A good chair can change lives. That much we know. In the same degree to which a thoughtful and personable teacher can change your outlook on life, so can a nicely cushioned seat. That is why an examination of the chairs that reside in Owasso High School is absolutely essential. Let’s rank some.
Ms. Johnson’s Office Chair: 9/10
Photo of Chair by Dominic Leading Fox
Perfectly ergonomic, the back and arms of this seat move with your body. They both cooperate with your natural form and make you feel like you’ve truly formed a connection with this seat. Not only that, but the quality of the rolling wheels gives a floaty effect that will make you feel like you’ve conquered gravity. If you want to feel like you truly have a place in the universe, find this chair.
Mr. Shuck’s Blue Rocker: 10/10
Photo of Chair by Dominic Leading Fox
“When my grandpa died, we had to clean out his trailer or whatever. We had one big room upstairs, that's all our upstairs was, one big room,” reminisced Max Shuck, an Advanced English II teacher, about his fantastic indigo blue throne. “We had a couch there, but I needed a chair, so we put [my grandpa’s] chair there, and it followed me to college, and then it followed me to my apartment after college…this chair is ancient.”
A classic 70s chair with a little 50s flair, Mr. Shuck’s famed seat induces a warm-hearted feeling that is rare amongst chairs. One session in the seat and you may find yourself deep in a dream, traveling back to your most peaceful childhood memories of apple pie and water hoses. The swift (but not overpowering) rocking mechanism is smooth as ice, and the cushions don't fall into the much-too-common trap of being too soft. If you need to get things done, don’t sit in this chair. If you need a good night’s rest, please do.
Mrs. Derby’s Paper Chair: 4/10
Photo of Chair by Dominic Leading Fox
By the look of it, one may assume this chair provides active comfort, perfect for getting things done. It’s stylish, with beautiful black leather cushioning and a perfectly circular (yes, I measured) stainless steel base. But take one seat, and you will remember that, unfortunately, you can’t judge a book by its cover. Mrs. Derby uses this chair as a turn-in basket, and it’s not hard to see why. The height is awkward and doesn’t provide practicality for a lot of builds. The cushion feels as if it’s really not there; it truly deceives your eyes. Not only that, but the backing hardly goes high enough to support anyone’s back, leaving you with pain for days. This chair is the pinnacle of stylish, but not practical.
Mr. DeBella’s Junkyard Chair: 1/10
Photo of Chair by Dominic Leading Fox
Where did he get this thing? Nobody knows. The bottom moves back and forth for no reason and never feels quite stable. The arms are tattered, left with the utter crime scene that is Mr. DeBella’s duct tape job. Can’t save this one, man. Somehow, the fabric feels like it was recycled from something illegal. I’d like to see this one burn.
Ms. Dodge’s Scarface Seat: 6/10
Photo of Chair by Dominic Leading Fox
Wow! Talk about flashy. If there was a universe of sentient chairs, this one would be at the top of the social hierarchy. The leather is nice and smooth, yet a little worn from its years of hard labor. But wait! While it may look nice, there’s more to it than what’s seen. The chair space, in particular, feels a little too big to be fully comfortable, and the arms are a little too firm. Not only that, but the rolly wheels have stoppers on them, which make a horrible noise whenever you try to move it. This chair is definitely for the power-hungry ballers of Owasso High School.
Honorable Mention: Mr. DeBella’s couch
While the couch did not qualify for this ranking, it is most beloved by all and is typically the number one chill spot in the room.
There are plenty of chairs around Owasso just waiting to be seen, and in time they will get the attention they deserve. Chairs rule!