Daily Routines Turn out to be Most Interesting Part of Day, (Satire)
By Jack Fenner
(Jack Fenner’s breakfast, colorized. Circa, 1922.)
I’d like to say that I’ve kept myself pretty occupied during this quarantine. Even though it may seem like there is not much to do when you are restricted to your house, I have found that there is an endless amount of things you can find to do when you are bored. My schedule has been pretty consistent, which has prevented a lot of boredom. I wake up to a wonderful packaged egg breakfast (as all real eggs are almost always sold out from online shopping centers), then after I finish eating, I get into the more fun activities.
(Capitalism vs. Communism forces, colorized battle; circa 1982)
This period of social isolation has been a great way to improve my athletic ability. I have been on a rampage in the realm of family sports. As of right now, I am the back-to-back cornhole champion. I also hold the title for most consecutive buckets made in H.O.R.S.E. Oh, also I forgot to mention that I'm part of the Fenner family Badminton All-star team! Unfortunately, I was not able to clinch victory in the ping-pong tournament, but, hopefully, I’ll be able to prove the haters wrong and make my way up from the depths of the losers bracket.
Quarantine has also helped me become more creative and artistic. When I finish writing this, I plan on finishing my complete recreation of the Mona Lisa on my Etch-A-Sketch. I have also managed to complete a total of seventeen 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzles; that’s, like, 17,000 pieces. I have also finally color coded my underwear drawer (something I’ve been meaning to do for a long time) into greys, dark greys, blacks, and Thomas the Train themed. I have also come to love some of the sports that haven’t been cancelled, like bowling, and even professional chess, which is one of the most thrilling sports I have ever watched. Every move is preceded by so much anticipation from every viewer. The fact that they take 4+ hours is a great bonus and makes chess one of the best ways to pass my time.
(Obligatory Stock Photo; “Back Pains During Chess,” canvas circa 1962)
My definition of productivity has been completely flipped on its back during quarantine. Progress used to be measured by the amount of studying or homework I finished in a day, but it's now measured in how many times I can finish a playing card pyramid, which, in my opinion, is a much better way to spend my time. You can always do better than you did the day before, if you put your mind to it.
With all of these possibilities in quarantine, how can anyone be bored?